Jokes

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!

Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."

*** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.

Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.

Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b'stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999.
Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"
Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?"
CLICK,BANG
Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

awsome jokes lol

What do you call a Russian with 3 testicles?
Hoojanik Thabolikov

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The minister was driving his car through Cookstown when he came out of a side road without looking and ran slap bang into the priest's Mercedes.
'Heavens above, Father,' he said, I'm dreadfully sorry. Are you all right?'
'Oh, nothing broken,' said the priest. I'm just a wee bit shaken, that's all.'
I have the very thing,' said the minister, producing a silver hip flask from his jacket pocket. 'Take a good swig of this.'
'Why, thank you,' said the priest, taking a long draught. 'My, my, that's awfully good whiskey.'
'Have another,' said the minister. It'll do you the world of good.'
'Thank you, I will,' said the priest. 'But aren't you having any yourself?'
'Certainly not, said the minister, retrieving the flask. 'Here come the police.'

wat goes up the chimney down,
and down the chimney up??

Crystal Lei wrote:wat goes up the chimney down,
and down the chimney up??

The answer is "umbrella".

But you said it wrong to begin with.


What goes up a chimney down, BUT CANT GO DOWN a chimney up???

Henrik07 wrote:

Crystal Lei wrote:wat goes up the chimney down,
and down the chimney up??

The answer is "umbrella".

But you said it wrong to begin with.


What goes up a chimney down, BUT CANT GO DOWN a chimney up???

How the fuck you get that one? Even till this day I can't work that out

haha soz thats the way i can remember it since i was a child, me da told that to me nearly 7/8 years ago lol